I’m a birth mother who has recently been contacted by the child I placed for adoption 22 years ago. I’m very happy he contacted me. He wanted information on his father, but when I called his father, he pretty much cut me off and hung up on me. How should I manage this with my son? His adoptive father had walked out on him as well, and now he’s got a 2d rejection.
Firstly, just ignore the responder who was so rude and called you “just a birthmother.” That’s ridiculous. He obviously just doesn’t get it. Oh well, some things are just above some peoples’ heads.
Congratulations on your reunion! I’ve been reunited with my first father and family for 7 years, quite happily. Unfortunately, my first mother passed away before we could reunite, but I do keep in touch with family on her side.
Sometimes first parents and adopted persons are really caught off guard at when initially contacted. He may need time to think it over. You can give your son the information, let him know what happened, and just continue to be supportive in that area.
Another think you may think about doing is writing a quick letter to his first father. Since he hung up so abruptly, you may not have gotten to say everything you wanted. He may or may not respond, but you’ll know that you shared what you needed to share.
It could be that his first father really doesn’t contact — at least at this point. Sometimes relatives separated by adoption end up feeling that way.
Again, congratulations on your reunion with you son! That’s wonderful.
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I guess since that his adopted parent walked out on him, once again it disproves the “better life for the child myth”. I guess an a-child couldn’t hold another family together.
I would just be honest with your son, give him the facts as you “know” it and give him contact information if he wants it. His father may of hung up on you because he doesn’t want to talk to you but who knows for sure.
Unfortunately, in our society today men have been let down by poor parental skills. Look at how many are being chased down for child support. I would point that out to your son as well.
Overall there’s not much you can say or do but just be honest and continue to be there for your son.